Learning from Mary

Feminine Virtues no one talks about

One of the most interesting characters I think in the Christmas story is Mary, the mother of Jesus.

I found this papercut I made some years ago with a mother and child that reminded me of Mary and the baby Jesus:

I shared my process of how I added color to the original papercut, and you can watch it on YouTube, where I also share some thoughts I had about Mary.

Here I continue my reflections about what I’ve learned through Mary’s story.

What does it mean to be a woman, and what are the qualities that set her apart?

Being a wife and mother I often think about what it means to be a woman in this world.

It was not until marriage, though, that I seriously considered its significance- it was only after my husband made me aware of the importance of being feminine did I realize how much post modern influences had uprooted me from embracing my natural femininity. Instead I saw my feminine qualities as flaws to somehow overcome so I could be “strong and independent” - which are not necessarily the most important things to be, as I discovered from studying Mary’s life.

Growing up, girls around me, (especially in college days) just wanted independence, financial freedom. I wasn’t ambitious or motivated to have a 9 to 5 and never got into it, as I got married at 25, three years after college (during which time I was in Tokyo making art and working part time as a my art history professor’s assistant).

In Mary’s life I see three particularly feminine and beautiful virtues. To me as a woman these are natural and positive qualities but some may see them as undesirable weaknesses rather than strengths.

The Virtue of Trusting God

Mary trusted God and believed the angel who announced that she will give birth to the Savior. This shocking announcement comes to a girl who hadn’t yet been with a man. In any age this would be seen as an impossibility, something no one would believe.

But in the context of Jewish faith, the prophecies had foretold that a deliverer would be born of a woman, even a virgin. So Mary, being a devout Jew, could already have been primed for this possibility, that she could be the woman who would birth the Savior into the world.

Every Jewish child would have grown up hearing the story of Adam and Eve, in which the serpent(ie. Satan, the adversary) is cursed with enmity between him and the woman’s offspring - who would eventually crush his head. (see Genesis 3:15).

God fearing Jewish women must have been keenly aware of their responsibility to be fruitful and multiply, increasing the chances of propagating righteous generations. The ultimate purpose was: fill the earth and to bring a deliverer for God’s people into the world.

Mary trusted God, in her simple innocent way.

And although to our minds it seems unbelievable to trust an angel’s announcement that a virgin would conceive a child, she had a lifetime of spiritual instruction behind her, even as a young woman (most likely a teenager, the marriageable age for those times). Mary must have felt deeply the destiny of her people. When I think of it that way, her trust doesn’t seem so unfounded.

Trust is a virtue when backed by wisdom and deep understanding of the truth.

There is no virtue in blind trust. There is no wisdom in trusting random strangers. So many are led astray by sweet talking angelic men who look and sound impressive but are deceptively evil. So much pain can be avoided if women discern who they should and should not trust.

Without an inner compass this is not easy- without a faith in absolute truth that most grounds your soul in wisdom, to the awareness of God most clearly revealed in Jesus Christ. Faith rooted and grounded in love has a way of guarding vulnerable minds.

Trust is essential in marriage and relationships if you want it to last.

A virtuous woman has a heart her husband can trust, “so he shall have no lack for gain.” (Proverbs 31:11) A couple obviously needs to trust each other to be truthful, and not lying, deceiving, or cheating.

Being trusting and trustworthy bind two people together, while lack of trust in any area lead to breaking apart.

.

Trusting God means that you know his Word - the scriptures.

God is trustworthy, and looks for people whose hearts are loyal and trustworthy too: In 2 Chronicles 16:9 we read, “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to him”.

Mary had that loyal, trusting heart: choosing to believe God in a most unprecedented situation.

Trusting in a man to be faithful until death is the central marriage vow. Yet this kind of trust is easily broken in today’s world, and women increasingly feel the need to have backup plans, careers that will support them in case they must support themselves one day. Maybe that’s being practical and realistic, but I don’t know…

As a woman completely dependent on my husband having no personal income or backup plan - and five children to get through college - I am an anomaly and seen as a strange case… but I really do trust my husband to take care of me and our family, and remain faithful. I also trust God to see us through every situation that may come up in life.

For me, this is normal, though for many women this kind of trust might seem downright unwise, if not backward.

If that’s what you think, it would come as a shock to you to hear that this next quality is actually a virtue in the Bible. Mary called herself a “Handmaiden of the Lord”.

The Virtue of Being a Handmaiden (Knowing you’re not your own)

The term “Handmaiden” suggests a servant, or a slave. This is an ancient concept that today has rather negative connotations but for most of human history was a normal part of life.

People were either slaves or slave owners, and that was just the way things were.

Women were either owned by masters or mistresses, or were subject to their fathers or husbands. There was a certain order in society in every age, and not everyone was oppressed or abused though that happened too - just like it does today.

No matter how liberated women have become, abuse and oppression do exist today, just as there are sound happy families now, as (I presume) in the past.

A handmaiden is not an independent woman. In fact, there were no independent women. The idea of a completely independent individual is not even possible. Everyone depends on someone else. Every person needs another. Even the most powerful tyrant on earth can’t exist in a vacuum. He needs his subjects and without them, he is nothing. So in a sense, he is a slave to them.

When Mary declared herself to be the handmaiden of the Lord she was simply acknowledging the fact that she existed to serve God. She is not her own. She belongs to God anyway, as He created her and gave her life.

We are not our own, however much we claim independence.

We are dependent on others for our existence. Our decisions, our direction in life, everything we do is affected by something other than ourselves, whether it be the value systems influenced by what society has said, the need to please others.

A woman does not exist in a vacuum, nor do men for that matter. All life is interdependent, and it’s a delusion to think otherwise.

In my opinion, to acknowledge the fact that we are not our own, we live to serve another, is a simple fact and a supremely freeing thing. It’s recognizing the truth, plainly stated in the Bible: you are not your own.

The sooner we embrace that, the freer we will be from deluded ways of thinking, which actually enslave us. It is not the patriarchy that oppresses us, or marriage that keeps us bound, or our children that steal away our independence. The truth is, we all need each other. A meaningful life is a life that touches others.

We are all slaves to something.

Some are slaves to ego, ambition, addictions, money, pleasure, some even to the idea of freedom - which can make a person overwork to the point of burnout and exhaustion, in hopes of making all the money they can which they think will free them.

To some modern women it’s absurd to suggest you are not your own: in a culture hyper focused on achievement, personal fulfillment, and being free, the last thing a woman wants is to be seen as dependent. No one wants another to tell her what to do. No one thinks it a virtue to allow another to dictate her life as a slave.

Even being called a wife is unflattering to some, who regard the idea of serving a husband unthinkable. My neighbor once looked at me oddly when I told her I am happy to bring my husband tea in the morning. Many women can’t fathom that anyone could allow another to control her life and think that they could simply let it be.

But amazingly this is just what Mary said: “Let it be to me according to your word”: Complete surrender.

The Virtue of Surrender

And this is the third virtue I see. Fully embracing the fact that she is not her own, Mary gives her body, soul and spirit to God to do with as he purposed. In fact this is the very thing Jesus himself, the Son of the Most High God, came to this earth to fulfill: “Not my will but yours (God’s will) be done.” He lay down his life of himself. No one had the power to take his life. He alone surrendered it to God’s divine will.

Let it be to me according to your word.

There is power in surrender. There is tremendous strength in a woman who can say with all her heart, soul, and mind, “I trust you fully with my life. I am yours, I am not my own. I embrace the assignment you have given to me on this earth. Let it be done according to your word.”

This is the spiritual power that drove the martyrs to death, fully confident in God’s ability to deliver them or welcome them into heaven (otherwise they could easily have chosen to recant and reject their faith to escape the torture). This is the power that others would see and be amazed - that not even death could weaken their faith and love and complete devotion to God.

This is the power that turned the world upside down is such a way that a band of disciples, men and women who followed Jesus and clung to his word, fully surrendered to his truth, spread the gospel boldly around the world even at the risk of death.

This is the power that made Christianity triumph even over the strongest empire on earth at the time. Overcoming every adversity, this power overcame a world of darkness and carried the light even into our present age, over millenia.

This is the power that Mary possessed. A heart of total surrender, devotion, awareness that she was not her own, and complete trust in the God who chose her.

May this power come alive in our hearts and in the hearts of those who are open to the truth, saying with Mary,

Let it be to me according to your word.

Amen.